Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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