just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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