I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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