I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
