Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
