I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
