why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
