cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Holy sore nipples Batman
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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