my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
