You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
