I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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