He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
