Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
