Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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