I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
