I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
