I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dignity is for republicans.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
