I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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