There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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