she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Farmville is her only friend.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
