You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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