She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He passed out mid-signature
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
