Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
