words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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