I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
