Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
