I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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