as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
