My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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