All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
