Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
