i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
