Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
