The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
