Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
