does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
