so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
