I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
