Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
