I think i peed on brittanys purse
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
