Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
