is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
