Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
