My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
