clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
