i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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