Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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