i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
