dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
