i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
