he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
