I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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