WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
