these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
