Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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